Break It Down – Goon Trailer

I have a feeling Kevin Smith is a little pissed about this movie since he’s planning a hockey movie of his own. If it’s a bomb it’ll be like Gili/Jersey Girl all over again.

0:04 – Not even to anything yet and I feel like it’s not going to be as good as Slap Shot. *sigh*

0:17 – Aw, Sean William Scott is so lonely.

0:19 – Glad to see that guy. I never learned his name, but he was acceptable as the Stephen in Undeclared. And, yes, I am too lazy to check IMDB. Some of us have jobs to do people.

0:30 – “I’m a fighter, not a lover.”

0:51 – Man, 69, so great. What a funny number. You see, it’s funny because there’s a sexual position in which… oh, you already know? Oh, you’ve known for like 17 years? I guess we should make that joke anymore, huh? I guess it’d be ok to make that joke, but if I were to make a movie I definitely wouldn’t put it in the trailer. Is this supposed to be a selling point? Hey, you remember that joke you were kinda too young to get in Billy Madison, but then found it funny as you got older? Here it is again except you didn’t grow up with it and so it’s not funny now. Hey, look, a movie trailer!

1:05 – Oh, I see, he said, “No glory holes here tonight.” You see, a glory hole is a sexual… wait, didn’t we just do this?

1:28 – Not gonna lie… I know it’s all fighting and sex jokes so far, but I’m already kinda bored.

1:33 – Oh, more sex and violence.

1:38 – Really Liev Schreiber?

1:47 – This movie had better climax with a time where it gets down to these two or I’m gonna be angry.

2:15 – I’m legitimately surprised they didn’t make a black guy playing hockey joke there… I definitely would have…

I’m a sucker for sports movies. Really, I’m a sucker for all movies, but I remember a B.S. Report last year where Bill Simmons pitched a movie idea similar to this, but directed by Jason Reitman. Man, I wish I lived in that world.


Movies I Slept Through – Scre4m or Scream 4

“Scre4m” is so meta if this were a review I’d give it a twist rating at the end.

Welcome back to Woodsboro. It’s been 10 years since the original killings by Ghostface Killah. What? Nope, sorry, it’s just Ghostface. It just so happens that Sidney Prescott(Neve Campbell) has returned. Don’t worry though, she has completely moved on from the three separate times she was hunted down by psychopaths. In fact, she’s so moved on, she’s written a book and is doing a signing just to prove it.

To everyone’s surprise, the killings start up again right around the time Sidney returns, but she doesn’t seem to be the focus from the beginning. This time the killer is tormenting her cousin, Jill(Emma Roberts) and her group of horror movie buff friends. Jill is a lot like Sidney was at her age. She’s pretty, has a boyfriend that doesn’t use front doors and is being hunted by a murderer. (They grow up so fast.)

“Scre4m” plays out how you would expect. Characters are introduced, they either make a reference to what would happen in a movie or talk about how meta they are and promptly prove they didn’t learn anything from those movies by getting themselves killed. New Rule: You only survive a horror movie if you don’t act like you’re actually in one.

One thing that really bothered me is that a lot of the characters talk about this one being a reboot. Last time I checked, reboots don’t have a 4 after(or in) their titles.

The acting is pretty bad all around. In fact, David Arquette and Courtney Cox are so bad I didn’t even believe they were in a failing marriage (You’d think they could have nailed that one).

Despite all that, “Scre4m” isn’t as bad as you would expect. The casting is pretty good for the archetypes they’re portraying. In fact, the casting for Jill’s boyfriend Trevor(Nico Tortorella) is so good he looks like what would happen if Cotton Weary(Liev Schreiber) and Billy(Skeet Ulrich) from the original movie had a baby.

That's a good lookin' man

There are a few good jump scares and it’s just kind of fun to watch Ghostface stab little girls. (That may not be the best phrasing, but I stand by it.) The twist at the end is pretty interesting until that character continues their monologue and then it gets pretty stupid pretty quick.  If you find yourself watching “Scre4m”, you know exactly what you’re getting into. This one isn’t worse than any of the others so it gets a Doze Off.