Break It Down – A Fantastic Fear of Everything

[0:04] – You and I in a little toy shop…

[0:09] – It’s Tim Burton’s The Hedgehog

[0:21] – Ooooh a writer who’s working through some issues, that’s new and interesting.

[0:35] – Simon Pegg’s hair is freaking me out right now

[0:39] – Saw VII: The Tim Burton Hedgehog

[1:02] – Nothing’s fine I’m torn…

[1:08] – I wonder if this Launderette the child was in and he now finds himself standing in front of have any significance whatsoever

[1:24] – Rita! [From Doctor Who/Darjeeling Limited depending on your nerd/quirkiness]

[1:32] – Yeah, I can’t come to work today. What’s that? No, there’s an eyeball in my mouth. My MOUTH not my… No, I said EYE BALL. Ok ok, I’ll come in, but I’m gonna be late.


Break it Down – Moonrise Kingdom

0:08 – Finally, a live action Angry Birds made by a real director.

0:18 – Now is the moment we can all reflect on the quirkiness of Wed Anderson.

0:23 – I just got flashbacks to My Girl. Why would you go back if you know you’re allergic to bees?! WHY?!

0:28 – Seems to me all of these issues could have been solved more efficiently.

0:36 – If this is Wes Anderson’s Surviving the Game remake, I’m completely in.

0:46 – Edward Norton… you have won me over.

0:57 – Oh man, the quirk keeps comin’.

1:00 – Can we please bring back this look for age appropriate women?

1:08 – Eye patch kid just gave me an idea. Best/Worst drinking game ever: Do a shot every time something is just quirky for the sake of being quirky. I think we’re up to 5 already and this is just the trailer.

1:13 – Shot!

1:14 – Shot!

1:23 – FYI, this is a misleading choice during zombie apocalypse. Seems good, but if it gets lodged in a skull, you’re in trouble.

1:42 – Shot!

1:51 – Annnnnnnnd shot!

What can I say to you Wes Anderson? I mock your quirkiness but I’m still drawn to it. I’m due to revisit some of his movies. I never saw Darjeeling Limited because I hated Life Aquatic. To be fair, I watched it hours after going to a funeral and that’s quite possibly the worst movie to see in that situation. Maybe a revisit is in order?

I’m totally down to see “Moonrise Kingdom.” Wes Anderson does movies that are not only perfect to sleep through, but you want to sleep through them multiple times.

Break It Down – Goon Trailer

I have a feeling Kevin Smith is a little pissed about this movie since he’s planning a hockey movie of his own. If it’s a bomb it’ll be like Gili/Jersey Girl all over again.

0:04 – Not even to anything yet and I feel like it’s not going to be as good as Slap Shot. *sigh*

0:17 – Aw, Sean William Scott is so lonely.

0:19 – Glad to see that guy. I never learned his name, but he was acceptable as the Stephen in Undeclared. And, yes, I am too lazy to check IMDB. Some of us have jobs to do people.

0:30 – “I’m a fighter, not a lover.”

0:51 – Man, 69, so great. What a funny number. You see, it’s funny because there’s a sexual position in which… oh, you already know? Oh, you’ve known for like 17 years? I guess we should make that joke anymore, huh? I guess it’d be ok to make that joke, but if I were to make a movie I definitely wouldn’t put it in the trailer. Is this supposed to be a selling point? Hey, you remember that joke you were kinda too young to get in Billy Madison, but then found it funny as you got older? Here it is again except you didn’t grow up with it and so it’s not funny now. Hey, look, a movie trailer!

1:05 – Oh, I see, he said, “No glory holes here tonight.” You see, a glory hole is a sexual… wait, didn’t we just do this?

1:28 – Not gonna lie… I know it’s all fighting and sex jokes so far, but I’m already kinda bored.

1:33 – Oh, more sex and violence.

1:38 – Really Liev Schreiber?

1:47 – This movie had better climax with a time where it gets down to these two or I’m gonna be angry.

2:15 – I’m legitimately surprised they didn’t make a black guy playing hockey joke there… I definitely would have…

I’m a sucker for sports movies. Really, I’m a sucker for all movies, but I remember a B.S. Report last year where Bill Simmons pitched a movie idea similar to this, but directed by Jason Reitman. Man, I wish I lived in that world.

Break It Down – Prometheus Trailer

Alright, Prometheus trailer. As long as we get a good look at Bob I’ll be happy. Let’s do this.

0:14 – Ah, Ridley Scott, famed director of Hannibal and G.I. Jane

0:17 – I’m a sucker for space ships.

0:22 – Three? Is this the square root prequel to Nine? I’m excited already.

0:23 – Ok, flame throwers and space ships, I’m listening.

0:28 – Hmmmm, this slanted line character seems interesting.

0:30 – Ah! Too many lines. Too many lines. What does it all mean?

0:34 – Me: Are there any “N’s?”

Pat Sajak: Nope, no “N’s,” sorry.

Me: I’d like to solve the puzzle.

Pat Sajak: But you just guessed..

Me: I said I’d like to solve the puzzle.

Pat Sajak: Do whatever you want, just promise to let me out of this basement.

0:36  – Pretty ladies in space… go on…

0:46 – What did Prometheus do again? (Quickly reference brain, definitely not wikipedia) Ah, yes, stole fire from the Gods and was bound to a giant rock while an eagle ate his liver every day. I hope this movie is the origin story of the iPod.

What can I say? I’m a sucker for space stuff. This is a prequel to Alien. It could go either way to be honest. I gotta say, I like that Ridley Scott likes strong female protagonists.

Prometheus looks like it’s going to be epic and awesome, but I can’t imagine it being something I’d stay awake through the entire time. Still though… aliens, flame throwers and space ladies. I’m buying a ticket; even if it does turn out that we’re all clones of the original lady thing or something… androids.

Break It Down – The Dark Knight Rises Trailer


0:10 – Cool tie, bro

0:17 – Nom nom nom so hungry

0:38 – “…and fuck the troops during times of peace.”

1:04 – This is one of those instances where Chris Rock said it was ok to shake a woman.

1:18 – Rise! EVERYONE DO A SHOT!

1:26 – That football player doesn’t seem to be running fast enough.

1:29 – Oh, ok. Makes sense now.

1:35 – That line gave me badass goosebumps

1:43 – I loved you in “Brick”!

1:51 – It’s the Bat Flying Machine Thingyyyyy! Fear it!

1:58 – YEAH he does.

I’m excited. The early word on the street is that it’s tough to understand Bane when he speaks, but that’ll just make it easier to nod off for a little bit.

Break It Down – The Hobbit Trailer

0:06 – Here we go

0:14 – Oh no, am I about to make a Sandusky reference in two straight posts?

0:22 – Please, I don’t want to

0:28 – No Gandalf, not you too. Is nothing sacred?!

0:31 – Oh, thank God.

0:48 – I just realized Tolkien may be a little less creative than what we thought.

1:00 – *sigh* Alright, I’m in, let me roll up my character.

1:15 – Dammit!

1:26 – I can’t help but imagine what this would be like if Guillermo Del Toro had stayed aboard. Especially after coming across this concept art:

2:05 – Sorry, I was wiping away drool.

2:11 – To be so precious, Gollum sure has a hell of a time holding on to that ring. (I know, I know, the ring has a will of its own… leave me alone)

What’s not to be excited about here? I’m glad it’s going to be two parts. Consider my tickets bought and paid for. Actually, I’ve already pre-ordered the extended blu-ray complete collection and bought tickets to when a symphony performs the score live too.

Break It Down – “John Carter” Trailer

:00 – Ok, based on the name, this had better be a follow up to “Coach Carter.”

:07 – Not even close.

:08 – Cool, gladiators!

:13 – Oh… alien gladiators?

:19 – Gambit’s Riggins’s hair sure does look ni… look out!

:32 – Why is that thing’s blood blue?

:33 – Oh…

:46 – Right, the great John Carter of Earth. I like that the author didn’t bother to give the other planet traveling guy a cool name. If I were writing this he’d be named Spec Algernon.

:54 – Oh wow. Is that the song from the Godzilla soundtrack? They probably chose it to add a little class to the whole piece.

:55 – Oh, great, now it’s going to be stuck in my head for the next week.

:56 – “Look at how many forearms I have!”

1:08 – I’m glad Powder finally found a place that will accept him.

1:20 – Yes green man, he is beautiful. I think that has been established.


1:45 – This planetary civil war had better not be an allegory for anything or I’m gonna get angry.

1:46 – If Riggins can get that much air I can only imagine what a black dude could do on this planet.

Here’s the IMDB summary of the plot:

“Transplanted to Mars, a Civil War vet discovers a lush planet inhabited by 12-foot tall barbarians. Finding himself a prisoner of these creatures, he escapes, only to encounter a princess who is in desperate need of a savior.”

Yeah… that’s exactly what I got from that trailer?

I figure this movie will do pretty well. Topless Taylor Kitsch + Disney + Don’t-Know-Any-Better-Sci-Fi-Kids = $.

I look forward to sleeping through his inspiring speeches the most.