Break It Down – “John Carter” Trailer


:00 – Ok, based on the name, this had better be a follow up to “Coach Carter.”

:07 – Not even close.

:08 – Cool, gladiators!

:13 – Oh… alien gladiators?

:19 – Gambit’s Riggins’s hair sure does look ni… look out!

:32 – Why is that thing’s blood blue?

:33 – Oh…

:46 – Right, the great John Carter of Earth. I like that the author didn’t bother to give the other planet traveling guy a cool name. If I were writing this he’d be named Spec Algernon.

:54 – Oh wow. Is that the song from the Godzilla soundtrack? They probably chose it to add a little class to the whole piece.

:55 – Oh, great, now it’s going to be stuck in my head for the next week.

:56 – “Look at how many forearms I have!”

1:08 – I’m glad Powder finally found a place that will accept him.

1:20 – Yes green man, he is beautiful. I think that has been established.

1:31 – FREEEEEEDOOOOMMMM

1:45 – This planetary civil war had better not be an allegory for anything or I’m gonna get angry.

1:46 – If Riggins can get that much air I can only imagine what a black dude could do on this planet.

Here’s the IMDB summary of the plot:

“Transplanted to Mars, a Civil War vet discovers a lush planet inhabited by 12-foot tall barbarians. Finding himself a prisoner of these creatures, he escapes, only to encounter a princess who is in desperate need of a savior.”

Yeah… that’s exactly what I got from that trailer?

I figure this movie will do pretty well. Topless Taylor Kitsch + Disney + Don’t-Know-Any-Better-Sci-Fi-Kids = $.

I look forward to sleeping through his inspiring speeches the most.

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